I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
