only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
