One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
