3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
