You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
