If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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