32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Randomize
