My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
