sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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