belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
