I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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