I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
