I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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