True but thats because hes a fetus.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
