Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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