I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
