you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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