He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
