im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
