I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
