i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
