If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
