I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
