After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
