Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
