Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
