did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize