____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
