I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
