question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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