My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
