i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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