Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
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