What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
