He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Randomize
