Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
