The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
