how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
