Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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