I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
