She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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