Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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