I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
