he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
