my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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