Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
did i just pee glitter
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