i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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