Say something about gay babies.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
