We're facebook friends in real life
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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