Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
