You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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