My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
