3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
