worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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