I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
And then he peed in my hair
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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