I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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