bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
