Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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