alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
