You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
This is classic penis vs brain.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
