All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
