New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
