i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
