I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize