Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
