I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
