those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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