i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize