I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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