just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
