Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
