He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
