You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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