Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
