my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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