I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
