You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
