a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
