He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
