My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
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