its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
