she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Dicks are not precious.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
