She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
