I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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