He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
