How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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