i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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