I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
