just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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