I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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