Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
