Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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