I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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