Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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