You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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