I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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