Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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