there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
