We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
