I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
