I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
