Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
