i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
