shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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