Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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