I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
