Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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