dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
