the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
