The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
