If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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