We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
