hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
