Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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