If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
