How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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