You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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