Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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